This is touching!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Nudge the Balance
Nudge the Balance
A 91-year-old woman died after living a very long dignified life. When
she met God, she asked Him something that had really bothered her for
a very long time. "If Man was created in God's image, and if all men
are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?"
God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson
to teach us. It is only through these lessons that we learn about
life, people and our relationships with God. This confused the woman,
so God began to explain:
"When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always
what they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look
beyond the masks people wear if you want to know what is in their
hearts. Remove your own masks to let people know who you really are.
When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever.
Always appreciate what you have. You never know when you might lose
it. Never take your friends or family for granted, because today and
sometimes only this very moment is the only guarantee you may have.
When someone inflicts injury upon you, it teaches you that the human
state is a very fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as
best as you can, it's the one thing that you are sure to have forever.
When someone mocks you, it teaches you that no two people are alike.
When you encounter people who are different from you, do not judge
them by how they look or act, instead base it on the contents of what
is in their hearts.
When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone
does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don't
turn your back on love, because when you find the right person, the
joy that one person brings you will make up for all of your past hurts...times a thousand fold.
When someone holds a grudge against you, it teaches you that everyone
makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can
do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have
hurt us is often the most difficult and painful of life's experiences,
but it is also the most courageous thing a person can do.
When a loved one is unfaithful to you, it teaches you that resisting
temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance
against all temptations. By doing so, you will be rewarded with an
enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure
by which you were tempted.
When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all
evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they
may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an
obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.
When someone ridicules you, it teaches you that nobody is perfect.
Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not
ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no
control."
Upon hearing the Lord's wisdom, the old woman became concerned that
there are no lessons to be learned from man's good deeds. God replied
that Man's capacity to love is the greatest gift He has. At the root
of kindness and love, and each act of love also teaches us a lesson. The woman's curiosity deepened. God, once again began to explain:
"When someone loves us, it teaches us love, kindness, charity,
honesty, humility, forgiveness, acceptance, and all of these can
counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is
one evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.
When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence,
consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh
lesson of reality? When you die, will your life have resulted in more
loving or more hurting? More comfort or more pain? More joy or more sadness? Each one of us has the power over the balance of the love in the world. Use it wisely!"
Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the world's scale in the right
direction!
~ Author Unknown
Friday, February 1, 2008
Lunch With God: Twinkies & Root Beer
This is so precious! :)
Lunch With God: Twinkies and Root Beer
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God."
However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Embrace all equally!
Lunch With God: Twinkies and Root Beer
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God."
However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Embrace all equally!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Chore Wars: The Great Divide
Im sure every woman can relate to this. :)
Chore Wars: The great marital divide
http://www.babycenter.com/0_big-story-ending-the-chore-wars-how-to-get-your-mate-to-help_1425647.bc
By all accounts, I got lucky. My husband not only brings home his share of the bacon, but he also fries it up, scrubs the pan, and puts it away. If I'm as fortunate to have such an equitable partner as my friends say I am, then why after eight years together do we still argue over whose turn it is to take out the garbage? The short answer, it appears, is kids.
Before having children, most couples find it easier to maintain a neat house and to keep bickering about unmade beds at bay. But having kids means having more clutter to clear, loads of laundry to do, and more meals to make, and it's moms who bear most of the burden: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent time-use survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Not surprisingly, the housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A recent BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers revealed that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.Not only do dust bunnies lead to marital dustups, but the responsibility for housework can also have harmful effects on women's health.
A study by sociologist Chloe E. Bird published in the March 1999 issue of Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women who do twice as much housework as their spouses have greater anxiety, depression, and worry. The least depressed people in Bird's study, both male and female, were those who split household duties down the middle.
Are men slackers?
If women are clearly doing more around the house, what are men doing? Guys don't appear to be totally slacking: American men in dual-income families handle a third of shopping and meal preparation. Men do roughly 15 percent of the laundry, and while that may not entitle them to bragging rights, it's an improvement over the measly 2 to 5 percent they did back in 1970.
And men today are more involved parents: One in four preschoolers with working moms are watched by their fathers. "In general, men try to compare their contributions to their fathers, and compared they look very good, doing four or five times more than their fathers did," says sociologist Scott Coltrane, author of Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework and Gender Equity.According to several studies, men with a higher education are more likely to pick up and pitch in.
Coltrane suggests that more educated men may be more likely to put women on equal footing and assume a balanced role in the household. Interestingly, research also shows men who delay fathering children until their late 20s or early 30s, move away from the neighborhood they grew up in, and have less frequent contact with their parents, or who have been divorced and remarried, are more likely to do housework. Coltrane points out that these men have had to fend for themselves, so it makes sense that they'd continue to help out.Still, "compared to their wives and partners, men do a lot less," says Coltrane.
He points to a range of explanations for the battle of the sexes on the chore front — from cultural expectations about gender roles, to a greater emphasis on a husband's career if he's the primary breadwinner, to some women's difficulty delegating work. Practically speaking, though, the broom stops with whomever spends more time at home, says Coltrane, and that's usually Mom.
Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may start in childhood.
From an early age, men are preoccupied with power and status (just look at any boy playing with an action-figure hero), and they may assert their independence by refusing to do something they've been asked to do. And while men feel they look pretty good compared with their fathers, they fail to factor in that their wives are also doing a lot more than their own mothers did, notes Coleman.
Men who do dishes do better in the bedroom
If only men knew what they were missing: Men who do more housework have better sex lives and happier marriages, according to a study by John Gottman, a psychologist who for more than three decades has been researching why relationships succeed or fail. Further research by Gottman suggests that harmony over housework may also yield happier children. His findings reveal that men who do housework frequently have kids who do better socially and academically.
Nine ways to get your partner to do his fair share
Talk to him.
While you may find it hard to believe that he can't see anything's amiss with the layer of dust covering your furniture or the mildew growing on the shower curtain, the truth is if your husband's not complaining, he's probably fine living that way. "The average guy feels like if it ain't broke, don't fix it," says psychologist Coleman, a self-described lazy husband in recovery.
Take the time to let him know what you mean by a "clean" house.Instead of quietly stewing with resentment or complaining to your girlfriends, tell your spouse you need more help keeping your place (relatively) clean. Be firm, but resist nagging. "Nagging isn't very assertive — it's humiliating to the person doing the nagging and annoying to the person being nagged," says Coleman.
He suggests a friendly approach: Tell your husband that you've been feeling overwhelmed and that you really need and appreciate his help. Start by creating a short to-do list for him, suggests Coleman, and pick the tasks that have been bugging you the most. You might specify jobs such as cleaning up after dinner, making the bed on the weekends, and taking primary responsibility for the baby at least one weekend morning so you can sleep in.
Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
This old adage can hold true for household chores too. "While some men feign incompetence, some genuinely have never learned how to do housework," notes sociologist Coltrane. Before your mate takes on a chore, demonstrate it for him, talking him through it as you go.
Don't be a control freak!
One of the reasons men don't help around the house as much as we'd like is that we can make them feel like they can't do anything right. So once you've shown him how to separate whites and colors, and to dust before running the vacuum, consider that his standards may never meet yours. Decide what you can live with: If the choice is to do every task yourself, or to live with his less-than-perfect housekeeping skills, you may more readily settle for adequate. A little restraint and a heaping of praise can go a long way in his wanting to be involved and useful.
Choose chores he'll want to do.
It's much easier to motivate someone to do something he likes, so if your mate's more inclined to cook than to clean up, ask him if he'll prepare more meals during the week. Of the "big five" household tasks — cooking preparation, meal cleanup, shopping, laundry, and housework — men are more likely to do the first three and least likely to do the last two, says sociologist Scott Coltrane.
So strike some new deals with your spouse.
If you've been doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, let him troll the market aisles, cut up the vegetables, and toss the salad for dinner. He may even enjoy it. While it may seem unfair that he gets to choose jobs he wants to do, consider that it's better than the alternative — doing everything yourself!
Do a little at a time.
Splitting chores between you and your spouse over several days will keep weekends from turning into nonstop drudgery. "We used to jam all of the housework into Saturdays, but now my husband and I have designated weekdays for certain cleaning jobs," says Kate Richardson, mother of a 2-year-old. "By spreading chores out across the week, keeping a (fairly) clean house seems less overwhelming — plus we've freed up more weekend time for family fun," she says.
Appeal to his charitable side.
Show your husband that getting rid of the toys collecting cobwebs in your living room and the forgotten clothes in your closets is a great way to help a good cause and save your family money. Ask him to oversee a "giveaway box" to which he and the kids can contribute, and then put yourself on a calling list for a couple of charities and thrift stores. "They call every other month to see if we have anything to donate, and we gather up books we've finished, clothes and shoes the kids have outgrown, and toys they're bored with," says Ann Struckman, mother of three children, ages 13, 9, and 2. "The charity picks up the items and leaves a donation slip for tax write-off purposes.
"Outsource!
If you can, make some cuts in your budget, and use the money to hire cleaning help. (Cost will vary depending on where you live and the size of your house, but the national average for someone to clean every week or every other week is around $75 to $110 per visit.) "We hired a housecleaning team after our daughter was born, and it's worth every penny, not just in time, but also arguments avoided," says Catherine Holecko, mother to a 3-year-old and a newborn. "Cleaning ranks way below family, work, and personal time in my order of priorities. Also, having cleaners come every two weeks forces us to do a round of picking up and de-cluttering on the day before they come."
And if he still doesn't pitch in...
"If you're still being ignored, it may be time to play hardball and say, 'I'm not going to keep doing all the things I'm doing,'" suggests psychologist Coleman. Take something off your plate that you know your mate relies on you to get done. For instance, if you usually pay the bills and your husband can't stand them to be late, tell him you're no longer paying the bills.
Coleman points out that tough-love should be your last resort, but it can be surprisingly effective.
Take time to reconnect.
Finally, if you've been more irritated than usual by dishes collecting in the sink, consider whether it's merely the grimy plates that need attention. "In all my years of working with couples there seems to be this pattern: When men aren't paying attention to their wives, the housework issue becomes more of an issue," says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido. "It becomes less of an issue if men are making an effort to be closer emotionally."
Weiner-Davis frequently sees a vicious cycle: When women aren't getting help, they become less physically affectionate with their spouses, who in turn withdraw more emotionally. "It would ease tension if couples took the time to reconnect on a regular basis," says Weiner-Davis.
So at least once a month, do the things you used to enjoy together before you had children (and a messy house).
Chore Wars: The great marital divide
http://www.babycenter.com/0_big-story-ending-the-chore-wars-how-to-get-your-mate-to-help_1425647.bc
By all accounts, I got lucky. My husband not only brings home his share of the bacon, but he also fries it up, scrubs the pan, and puts it away. If I'm as fortunate to have such an equitable partner as my friends say I am, then why after eight years together do we still argue over whose turn it is to take out the garbage? The short answer, it appears, is kids.
Before having children, most couples find it easier to maintain a neat house and to keep bickering about unmade beds at bay. But having kids means having more clutter to clear, loads of laundry to do, and more meals to make, and it's moms who bear most of the burden: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent time-use survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Not surprisingly, the housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A recent BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers revealed that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.Not only do dust bunnies lead to marital dustups, but the responsibility for housework can also have harmful effects on women's health.
A study by sociologist Chloe E. Bird published in the March 1999 issue of Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women who do twice as much housework as their spouses have greater anxiety, depression, and worry. The least depressed people in Bird's study, both male and female, were those who split household duties down the middle.
Are men slackers?
If women are clearly doing more around the house, what are men doing? Guys don't appear to be totally slacking: American men in dual-income families handle a third of shopping and meal preparation. Men do roughly 15 percent of the laundry, and while that may not entitle them to bragging rights, it's an improvement over the measly 2 to 5 percent they did back in 1970.
And men today are more involved parents: One in four preschoolers with working moms are watched by their fathers. "In general, men try to compare their contributions to their fathers, and compared they look very good, doing four or five times more than their fathers did," says sociologist Scott Coltrane, author of Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework and Gender Equity.According to several studies, men with a higher education are more likely to pick up and pitch in.
Coltrane suggests that more educated men may be more likely to put women on equal footing and assume a balanced role in the household. Interestingly, research also shows men who delay fathering children until their late 20s or early 30s, move away from the neighborhood they grew up in, and have less frequent contact with their parents, or who have been divorced and remarried, are more likely to do housework. Coltrane points out that these men have had to fend for themselves, so it makes sense that they'd continue to help out.Still, "compared to their wives and partners, men do a lot less," says Coltrane.
He points to a range of explanations for the battle of the sexes on the chore front — from cultural expectations about gender roles, to a greater emphasis on a husband's career if he's the primary breadwinner, to some women's difficulty delegating work. Practically speaking, though, the broom stops with whomever spends more time at home, says Coltrane, and that's usually Mom.
Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may start in childhood.
From an early age, men are preoccupied with power and status (just look at any boy playing with an action-figure hero), and they may assert their independence by refusing to do something they've been asked to do. And while men feel they look pretty good compared with their fathers, they fail to factor in that their wives are also doing a lot more than their own mothers did, notes Coleman.
Men who do dishes do better in the bedroom
If only men knew what they were missing: Men who do more housework have better sex lives and happier marriages, according to a study by John Gottman, a psychologist who for more than three decades has been researching why relationships succeed or fail. Further research by Gottman suggests that harmony over housework may also yield happier children. His findings reveal that men who do housework frequently have kids who do better socially and academically.
Nine ways to get your partner to do his fair share
Talk to him.
While you may find it hard to believe that he can't see anything's amiss with the layer of dust covering your furniture or the mildew growing on the shower curtain, the truth is if your husband's not complaining, he's probably fine living that way. "The average guy feels like if it ain't broke, don't fix it," says psychologist Coleman, a self-described lazy husband in recovery.
Take the time to let him know what you mean by a "clean" house.Instead of quietly stewing with resentment or complaining to your girlfriends, tell your spouse you need more help keeping your place (relatively) clean. Be firm, but resist nagging. "Nagging isn't very assertive — it's humiliating to the person doing the nagging and annoying to the person being nagged," says Coleman.
He suggests a friendly approach: Tell your husband that you've been feeling overwhelmed and that you really need and appreciate his help. Start by creating a short to-do list for him, suggests Coleman, and pick the tasks that have been bugging you the most. You might specify jobs such as cleaning up after dinner, making the bed on the weekends, and taking primary responsibility for the baby at least one weekend morning so you can sleep in.
Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
This old adage can hold true for household chores too. "While some men feign incompetence, some genuinely have never learned how to do housework," notes sociologist Coltrane. Before your mate takes on a chore, demonstrate it for him, talking him through it as you go.
Don't be a control freak!
One of the reasons men don't help around the house as much as we'd like is that we can make them feel like they can't do anything right. So once you've shown him how to separate whites and colors, and to dust before running the vacuum, consider that his standards may never meet yours. Decide what you can live with: If the choice is to do every task yourself, or to live with his less-than-perfect housekeeping skills, you may more readily settle for adequate. A little restraint and a heaping of praise can go a long way in his wanting to be involved and useful.
Choose chores he'll want to do.
It's much easier to motivate someone to do something he likes, so if your mate's more inclined to cook than to clean up, ask him if he'll prepare more meals during the week. Of the "big five" household tasks — cooking preparation, meal cleanup, shopping, laundry, and housework — men are more likely to do the first three and least likely to do the last two, says sociologist Scott Coltrane.
So strike some new deals with your spouse.
If you've been doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, let him troll the market aisles, cut up the vegetables, and toss the salad for dinner. He may even enjoy it. While it may seem unfair that he gets to choose jobs he wants to do, consider that it's better than the alternative — doing everything yourself!
Do a little at a time.
Splitting chores between you and your spouse over several days will keep weekends from turning into nonstop drudgery. "We used to jam all of the housework into Saturdays, but now my husband and I have designated weekdays for certain cleaning jobs," says Kate Richardson, mother of a 2-year-old. "By spreading chores out across the week, keeping a (fairly) clean house seems less overwhelming — plus we've freed up more weekend time for family fun," she says.
Appeal to his charitable side.
Show your husband that getting rid of the toys collecting cobwebs in your living room and the forgotten clothes in your closets is a great way to help a good cause and save your family money. Ask him to oversee a "giveaway box" to which he and the kids can contribute, and then put yourself on a calling list for a couple of charities and thrift stores. "They call every other month to see if we have anything to donate, and we gather up books we've finished, clothes and shoes the kids have outgrown, and toys they're bored with," says Ann Struckman, mother of three children, ages 13, 9, and 2. "The charity picks up the items and leaves a donation slip for tax write-off purposes.
"Outsource!
If you can, make some cuts in your budget, and use the money to hire cleaning help. (Cost will vary depending on where you live and the size of your house, but the national average for someone to clean every week or every other week is around $75 to $110 per visit.) "We hired a housecleaning team after our daughter was born, and it's worth every penny, not just in time, but also arguments avoided," says Catherine Holecko, mother to a 3-year-old and a newborn. "Cleaning ranks way below family, work, and personal time in my order of priorities. Also, having cleaners come every two weeks forces us to do a round of picking up and de-cluttering on the day before they come."
And if he still doesn't pitch in...
"If you're still being ignored, it may be time to play hardball and say, 'I'm not going to keep doing all the things I'm doing,'" suggests psychologist Coleman. Take something off your plate that you know your mate relies on you to get done. For instance, if you usually pay the bills and your husband can't stand them to be late, tell him you're no longer paying the bills.
Coleman points out that tough-love should be your last resort, but it can be surprisingly effective.
Take time to reconnect.
Finally, if you've been more irritated than usual by dishes collecting in the sink, consider whether it's merely the grimy plates that need attention. "In all my years of working with couples there seems to be this pattern: When men aren't paying attention to their wives, the housework issue becomes more of an issue," says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido. "It becomes less of an issue if men are making an effort to be closer emotionally."
Weiner-Davis frequently sees a vicious cycle: When women aren't getting help, they become less physically affectionate with their spouses, who in turn withdraw more emotionally. "It would ease tension if couples took the time to reconnect on a regular basis," says Weiner-Davis.
So at least once a month, do the things you used to enjoy together before you had children (and a messy house).
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Big Church vs. Small Church
I ran across this blog (below) the other day and found it interesting. I have attended both-- big and small. I grew up in a small Baptist Church, but as I spiritually grew--I eventually grew out of it. I feel no matter which type of church someone attends-- Big or Small-- as long as we are getting spiritually fed and growing... does it really matter the size???? Afterall-- In Heaven they aren't keeping score cards, so why should we?
But-- my point is... are you growing in the Lord? Getting something out of the sermons? Thats what really counts, right???? I feel that there is a place for everyone, so I am glad that there are so many different churches out there. Its not a competition, after all. Our goals are all the same... to have a relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ, to be saved from spiritual death, and to share the Good News with others. To me....Thats what truly matters!!!
My husband and I have been attending a bigger church (3,000 members plus) since 1999. We both love it there. We love that we are not only getting blessed, but we are growing in the Lord & enjoy being under the covering of God since we've been planted there.
There has only been one small conflict that has been a challenge for us. Our 6 year old son, Noah has had trouble adapting to their Sunday school program since he turned 4. The class size went from small group of children to a much larger group. Noah just had trouble coping, so we eventually had to make some adjustments to our church life.
We've noticed that he seems to be proactive in comfortable attending the Sunday school program at my Mother-in-law's church. We finally compromised & been taking Noah there once a month for the past two months. This particular church is smaller in size, but we are glad to make adjustments. It is a great supplement and works out well for Noah and for us. :)
Big Church vs. Small Church
http://holycoast.blogspot.com/2005/03/big-church-vs-small-church.html
I overheard part of a discussion the other day regarding Big Churches vs. Small Churches. One pastor was arguing that big churches are killing small churches. I call this the "Wal-Mart Syndrome" because many of the arguments against big churches are the same arguments you hear against Wal-Mart or other big box stores which come into a new neighborhood and shake things up. I have some thoughts on this whole subject, but first this disclaimer:
(cue deep voice speaking quickly) I am not a pastor. I've never been a pastor. I don't want to become a pastor. I have no idea of what it's like to shepherd a congregation, large or small, nor do I have knowledge of the joys, heartaches and challenges associated therewith. I'm just a businessman and I look at things from a business perspective. (return to normal voice)
As a businessman faced with competition (though I could argue that churches are not really competing with one another), if the other guy is selling 5,000 widgets a week and I'm selling 100, I've got four basic choices in how to respond:
Ignore the problem and hope it goes away.
Gripe about the problem but don't take action to correct it.
Quit.
Go and find out what the other guy is doing and see if I can use some of his techniques to increase my sales.
Frankly I think some pastors choose #1 or #2 and wouldn't get caught dead doing #4. They don't like change or don't want to fight the battles that would result from change. They know that changing the status quo may well result in a decrease in members before the increases start. It's a tough situation to be in.
They say that changing a church's direction is the quickest road to martyrdom.Unlike businesses which have a proprietary interest in protecting their trade secrets, big churches have shown a tremendous willingness to share information. Willow Creek, Saddleback Church, Calvary Chapel, and other large ministries go out of their way to tell their stories and show others, who are interested in learning, what they've done.
You don't even have to buy a book - you can just walk in and take notes for yourself.Having said all that, here's the way I look at this stuff. I attend a big church. Why? I like my church, I like the people who attend, the ministry staff, and the fact that the church has the resources to do pretty much anything it wants to do. I had attended an embarrasing number of small churches before moving to the big church and I'll never go back.
I don't want to set up and take down chairs in an elementary school multi-purpose room, I don't want my kids in a Sunday School class with five other grades, and I don't want to be the treasurer/usher/choir member/Sunday School teacher/Sunday School Superintendent/board member/nursery worker/gardener/scripture reader...all at once, which is what frequently happens in small churches.
Am I lazy? I don't think so, though some will disagree. I just like having lots of people around with different talents to share the burden and do the things that need to be done so I can concentrate on the things that I do well, instead of having to concentrate on whatever talent this week's crisis requires.
In my line of work I meet with pastors all the time, and I have every kind of ministry client you can imagine. I have a couple of the largest churches in my territory, and dozens of small churches that are hanging on by their teeth. I have just about every kind of evangelical church, as well as every wacky offshoot of religion that you can think of.I remember one church I visited that had an 850 seat auditorium and a large, two-story educational unit.
The church had 30 members with an average age of 75. The only way they stayed alive was by leasing out their education building to a Christian school. At one time they had been a thriving congregation, but as times changed, the church didn't and the people left. From my conversations with them it was obvious that they weren't interested in doing anything different than they had always done, and one of these days the last of them will die and that will be the end of that.I was meeting with the pastor of a growing congregation that didn't yet own any property and I told him about the failing church with the great facility.
My advice to him: take your congregation and go join that other church. Vote the stick-in-the-muds off the board and turn that place into a going concern. Sort of a church world version of a hostile takeover. He didn't pursue that course of action, though I would have loved to see what happened if he had.When I hear a small church pastor complaining about the influence of the large churches, I have to wonder if those pastors have a misconception about how church attendance works. Here are the myths that I think may be at work:
Myth 1: Church attendance is a zero sum game. I think there are some pastors who believe that large churches are only growing because they're stealing people from small churches, as though there is a finite number of church attenders available to all the churches in the market. The fact is you can't swing a dead cat at most churches without hitting 10,000 people within walking distance who have no church affiliation at all. What are the small churches doing to reach out to those people? The big churches have figured out how to do that, and in the case of my church, a huge percentage of the people previously had no church affiliation at all, or are ex-Catholics who never attended an evangelical church.
Myth 2: Big churches are increasing their crowds by just providing entertainment and not real ministry. That may be true for a few of them, but not my church. People are attending because they're lives are being transformed by the ministry of the church, and if the presentation is entertaining, all the better. No one has been called to boredom.
Myth 3: If given a choice between big and small, people will always choose big. Not true at all. I know many people who have left large churches for the more intimate worship experience they find in smaller congregations. However, if the small congregations aren't meeting the needs of the people, they'll look elsewhere.
Myth 4: People attend big churches so they can hide out and not do anything. Undoubtedly true for some, but in a church like mine with over 200 ministries , there are thousands of volunteers who do everything from clean the bathrooms to teaching classes to performing on stage. In addition, most big churches do their best to make the church smaller by encouraging involvement in small groups.One other important point to remember. It's a free country, and nobody is forced to attend church. People do it voluntarily, and therefore have the right to find the situation that best works for them.
If a small church meets the needs, they'll get the members. If they insist on doing things the same way they've done them for 50 years, they'll get the increasingly small number of people interested in doing things that way, and they probably won't get any previously unchurched folks who will be turned off by the unfamiliar language and worship style.
What would my advice be for the small church (reminder - see disclaimer above):
Decide just what it is you want to be, and then seek out methods to get you to your goal. You may need books, seminars, personal observation, or coaching from someone who knows what he's doing. There are lots of resources available out there.
Don't try to be what you can't be. Everyone thinks that the way to success is to have a praise band and praise singers, and I can't tell you how many times I've been in services with really bad praise groups. Their hearts are in the right place but they just don't have the skills to pull it off.
Figure out what you can do well and do that.Look at your church from the viewpoint of a visitor. Be honest with yourself as you look at how someone totally unfamiliar with your church would view your facilities, worship style, and overall attitude.
Get rid of the deadwood. If you have folks that only have the gift of gripe, move them out. It's better to have smaller numbers with a more dedicated core group of people who will work with you to get things done. That's a base you can grow on.
Let's remember that we're all in this thing together and it serves no purpose to fight.
But-- my point is... are you growing in the Lord? Getting something out of the sermons? Thats what really counts, right???? I feel that there is a place for everyone, so I am glad that there are so many different churches out there. Its not a competition, after all. Our goals are all the same... to have a relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ, to be saved from spiritual death, and to share the Good News with others. To me....Thats what truly matters!!!
My husband and I have been attending a bigger church (3,000 members plus) since 1999. We both love it there. We love that we are not only getting blessed, but we are growing in the Lord & enjoy being under the covering of God since we've been planted there.
There has only been one small conflict that has been a challenge for us. Our 6 year old son, Noah has had trouble adapting to their Sunday school program since he turned 4. The class size went from small group of children to a much larger group. Noah just had trouble coping, so we eventually had to make some adjustments to our church life.
We've noticed that he seems to be proactive in comfortable attending the Sunday school program at my Mother-in-law's church. We finally compromised & been taking Noah there once a month for the past two months. This particular church is smaller in size, but we are glad to make adjustments. It is a great supplement and works out well for Noah and for us. :)
Big Church vs. Small Church
http://holycoast.blogspot.com/2005/03/big-church-vs-small-church.html
I overheard part of a discussion the other day regarding Big Churches vs. Small Churches. One pastor was arguing that big churches are killing small churches. I call this the "Wal-Mart Syndrome" because many of the arguments against big churches are the same arguments you hear against Wal-Mart or other big box stores which come into a new neighborhood and shake things up. I have some thoughts on this whole subject, but first this disclaimer:
(cue deep voice speaking quickly) I am not a pastor. I've never been a pastor. I don't want to become a pastor. I have no idea of what it's like to shepherd a congregation, large or small, nor do I have knowledge of the joys, heartaches and challenges associated therewith. I'm just a businessman and I look at things from a business perspective. (return to normal voice)
As a businessman faced with competition (though I could argue that churches are not really competing with one another), if the other guy is selling 5,000 widgets a week and I'm selling 100, I've got four basic choices in how to respond:
Ignore the problem and hope it goes away.
Gripe about the problem but don't take action to correct it.
Quit.
Go and find out what the other guy is doing and see if I can use some of his techniques to increase my sales.
Frankly I think some pastors choose #1 or #2 and wouldn't get caught dead doing #4. They don't like change or don't want to fight the battles that would result from change. They know that changing the status quo may well result in a decrease in members before the increases start. It's a tough situation to be in.
They say that changing a church's direction is the quickest road to martyrdom.Unlike businesses which have a proprietary interest in protecting their trade secrets, big churches have shown a tremendous willingness to share information. Willow Creek, Saddleback Church, Calvary Chapel, and other large ministries go out of their way to tell their stories and show others, who are interested in learning, what they've done.
You don't even have to buy a book - you can just walk in and take notes for yourself.Having said all that, here's the way I look at this stuff. I attend a big church. Why? I like my church, I like the people who attend, the ministry staff, and the fact that the church has the resources to do pretty much anything it wants to do. I had attended an embarrasing number of small churches before moving to the big church and I'll never go back.
I don't want to set up and take down chairs in an elementary school multi-purpose room, I don't want my kids in a Sunday School class with five other grades, and I don't want to be the treasurer/usher/choir member/Sunday School teacher/Sunday School Superintendent/board member/nursery worker/gardener/scripture reader...all at once, which is what frequently happens in small churches.
Am I lazy? I don't think so, though some will disagree. I just like having lots of people around with different talents to share the burden and do the things that need to be done so I can concentrate on the things that I do well, instead of having to concentrate on whatever talent this week's crisis requires.
In my line of work I meet with pastors all the time, and I have every kind of ministry client you can imagine. I have a couple of the largest churches in my territory, and dozens of small churches that are hanging on by their teeth. I have just about every kind of evangelical church, as well as every wacky offshoot of religion that you can think of.I remember one church I visited that had an 850 seat auditorium and a large, two-story educational unit.
The church had 30 members with an average age of 75. The only way they stayed alive was by leasing out their education building to a Christian school. At one time they had been a thriving congregation, but as times changed, the church didn't and the people left. From my conversations with them it was obvious that they weren't interested in doing anything different than they had always done, and one of these days the last of them will die and that will be the end of that.I was meeting with the pastor of a growing congregation that didn't yet own any property and I told him about the failing church with the great facility.
My advice to him: take your congregation and go join that other church. Vote the stick-in-the-muds off the board and turn that place into a going concern. Sort of a church world version of a hostile takeover. He didn't pursue that course of action, though I would have loved to see what happened if he had.When I hear a small church pastor complaining about the influence of the large churches, I have to wonder if those pastors have a misconception about how church attendance works. Here are the myths that I think may be at work:
Myth 1: Church attendance is a zero sum game. I think there are some pastors who believe that large churches are only growing because they're stealing people from small churches, as though there is a finite number of church attenders available to all the churches in the market. The fact is you can't swing a dead cat at most churches without hitting 10,000 people within walking distance who have no church affiliation at all. What are the small churches doing to reach out to those people? The big churches have figured out how to do that, and in the case of my church, a huge percentage of the people previously had no church affiliation at all, or are ex-Catholics who never attended an evangelical church.
Myth 2: Big churches are increasing their crowds by just providing entertainment and not real ministry. That may be true for a few of them, but not my church. People are attending because they're lives are being transformed by the ministry of the church, and if the presentation is entertaining, all the better. No one has been called to boredom.
Myth 3: If given a choice between big and small, people will always choose big. Not true at all. I know many people who have left large churches for the more intimate worship experience they find in smaller congregations. However, if the small congregations aren't meeting the needs of the people, they'll look elsewhere.
Myth 4: People attend big churches so they can hide out and not do anything. Undoubtedly true for some, but in a church like mine with over 200 ministries , there are thousands of volunteers who do everything from clean the bathrooms to teaching classes to performing on stage. In addition, most big churches do their best to make the church smaller by encouraging involvement in small groups.One other important point to remember. It's a free country, and nobody is forced to attend church. People do it voluntarily, and therefore have the right to find the situation that best works for them.
If a small church meets the needs, they'll get the members. If they insist on doing things the same way they've done them for 50 years, they'll get the increasingly small number of people interested in doing things that way, and they probably won't get any previously unchurched folks who will be turned off by the unfamiliar language and worship style.
What would my advice be for the small church (reminder - see disclaimer above):
Decide just what it is you want to be, and then seek out methods to get you to your goal. You may need books, seminars, personal observation, or coaching from someone who knows what he's doing. There are lots of resources available out there.
Don't try to be what you can't be. Everyone thinks that the way to success is to have a praise band and praise singers, and I can't tell you how many times I've been in services with really bad praise groups. Their hearts are in the right place but they just don't have the skills to pull it off.
Figure out what you can do well and do that.Look at your church from the viewpoint of a visitor. Be honest with yourself as you look at how someone totally unfamiliar with your church would view your facilities, worship style, and overall attitude.
Get rid of the deadwood. If you have folks that only have the gift of gripe, move them out. It's better to have smaller numbers with a more dedicated core group of people who will work with you to get things done. That's a base you can grow on.
Let's remember that we're all in this thing together and it serves no purpose to fight.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Better Get to Living! :)
Good Words of Wisdom! Why let life pass us by when we have only one life to live? Life is not a dress rehearsal... this is it, folks! You can set your mind on the negative things or set it on the positive. Its all up to us! :)
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