Chore Wars: The Great Divide

Im sure every woman can relate to this. :)

Chore Wars: The great marital divide

http://www.babycenter.com/0_big-story-ending-the-chore-wars-how-to-get-your-mate-to-help_1425647.bc

By all accounts, I got lucky. My husband not only brings home his share of the bacon, but he also fries it up, scrubs the pan, and puts it away. If I'm as fortunate to have such an equitable partner as my friends say I am, then why after eight years together do we still argue over whose turn it is to take out the garbage? The short answer, it appears, is kids.

Before having children, most couples find it easier to maintain a neat house and to keep bickering about unmade beds at bay. But having kids means having more clutter to clear, loads of laundry to do, and more meals to make, and it's moms who bear most of the burden: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent time-use survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Not surprisingly, the housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A recent BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers revealed that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.Not only do dust bunnies lead to marital dustups, but the responsibility for housework can also have harmful effects on women's health.

A study by sociologist Chloe E. Bird published in the March 1999 issue of Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women who do twice as much housework as their spouses have greater anxiety, depression, and worry. The least depressed people in Bird's study, both male and female, were those who split household duties down the middle.

Are men slackers?

If women are clearly doing more around the house, what are men doing? Guys don't appear to be totally slacking: American men in dual-income families handle a third of shopping and meal preparation. Men do roughly 15 percent of the laundry, and while that may not entitle them to bragging rights, it's an improvement over the measly 2 to 5 percent they did back in 1970.

And men today are more involved parents: One in four preschoolers with working moms are watched by their fathers. "In general, men try to compare their contributions to their fathers, and compared they look very good, doing four or five times more than their fathers did," says sociologist Scott Coltrane, author of Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework and Gender Equity.According to several studies, men with a higher education are more likely to pick up and pitch in.

Coltrane suggests that more educated men may be more likely to put women on equal footing and assume a balanced role in the household. Interestingly, research also shows men who delay fathering children until their late 20s or early 30s, move away from the neighborhood they grew up in, and have less frequent contact with their parents, or who have been divorced and remarried, are more likely to do housework. Coltrane points out that these men have had to fend for themselves, so it makes sense that they'd continue to help out.Still, "compared to their wives and partners, men do a lot less," says Coltrane.

He points to a range of explanations for the battle of the sexes on the chore front — from cultural expectations about gender roles, to a greater emphasis on a husband's career if he's the primary breadwinner, to some women's difficulty delegating work. Practically speaking, though, the broom stops with whomever spends more time at home, says Coltrane, and that's usually Mom.

Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may start in childhood.
From an early age, men are preoccupied with power and status (just look at any boy playing with an action-figure hero), and they may assert their independence by refusing to do something they've been asked to do. And while men feel they look pretty good compared with their fathers, they fail to factor in that their wives are also doing a lot more than their own mothers did, notes Coleman.

Men who do dishes do better in the bedroom

If only men knew what they were missing: Men who do more housework have better sex lives and happier marriages, according to a study by John Gottman, a psychologist who for more than three decades has been researching why relationships succeed or fail. Further research by Gottman suggests that harmony over housework may also yield happier children. His findings reveal that men who do housework frequently have kids who do better socially and academically.

Nine ways to get your partner to do his fair share

Talk to him.

While you may find it hard to believe that he can't see anything's amiss with the layer of dust covering your furniture or the mildew growing on the shower curtain, the truth is if your husband's not complaining, he's probably fine living that way. "The average guy feels like if it ain't broke, don't fix it," says psychologist Coleman, a self-described lazy husband in recovery.

Take the time to let him know what you mean by a "clean" house.Instead of quietly stewing with resentment or complaining to your girlfriends, tell your spouse you need more help keeping your place (relatively) clean. Be firm, but resist nagging. "Nagging isn't very assertive — it's humiliating to the person doing the nagging and annoying to the person being nagged," says Coleman.

He suggests a friendly approach: Tell your husband that you've been feeling overwhelmed and that you really need and appreciate his help. Start by creating a short to-do list for him, suggests Coleman, and pick the tasks that have been bugging you the most. You might specify jobs such as cleaning up after dinner, making the bed on the weekends, and taking primary responsibility for the baby at least one weekend morning so you can sleep in.

Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.

This old adage can hold true for household chores too. "While some men feign incompetence, some genuinely have never learned how to do housework," notes sociologist Coltrane. Before your mate takes on a chore, demonstrate it for him, talking him through it as you go.

Don't be a control freak!

One of the reasons men don't help around the house as much as we'd like is that we can make them feel like they can't do anything right. So once you've shown him how to separate whites and colors, and to dust before running the vacuum, consider that his standards may never meet yours. Decide what you can live with: If the choice is to do every task yourself, or to live with his less-than-perfect housekeeping skills, you may more readily settle for adequate. A little restraint and a heaping of praise can go a long way in his wanting to be involved and useful.

Choose chores he'll want to do.

It's much easier to motivate someone to do something he likes, so if your mate's more inclined to cook than to clean up, ask him if he'll prepare more meals during the week. Of the "big five" household tasks — cooking preparation, meal cleanup, shopping, laundry, and housework — men are more likely to do the first three and least likely to do the last two, says sociologist Scott Coltrane.

So strike some new deals with your spouse.

If you've been doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, let him troll the market aisles, cut up the vegetables, and toss the salad for dinner. He may even enjoy it. While it may seem unfair that he gets to choose jobs he wants to do, consider that it's better than the alternative — doing everything yourself!

Do a little at a time.

Splitting chores between you and your spouse over several days will keep weekends from turning into nonstop drudgery. "We used to jam all of the housework into Saturdays, but now my husband and I have designated weekdays for certain cleaning jobs," says Kate Richardson, mother of a 2-year-old. "By spreading chores out across the week, keeping a (fairly) clean house seems less overwhelming — plus we've freed up more weekend time for family fun," she says.

Appeal to his charitable side.

Show your husband that getting rid of the toys collecting cobwebs in your living room and the forgotten clothes in your closets is a great way to help a good cause and save your family money. Ask him to oversee a "giveaway box" to which he and the kids can contribute, and then put yourself on a calling list for a couple of charities and thrift stores. "They call every other month to see if we have anything to donate, and we gather up books we've finished, clothes and shoes the kids have outgrown, and toys they're bored with," says Ann Struckman, mother of three children, ages 13, 9, and 2. "The charity picks up the items and leaves a donation slip for tax write-off purposes.

"Outsource!

If you can, make some cuts in your budget, and use the money to hire cleaning help. (Cost will vary depending on where you live and the size of your house, but the national average for someone to clean every week or every other week is around $75 to $110 per visit.) "We hired a housecleaning team after our daughter was born, and it's worth every penny, not just in time, but also arguments avoided," says Catherine Holecko, mother to a 3-year-old and a newborn. "Cleaning ranks way below family, work, and personal time in my order of priorities. Also, having cleaners come every two weeks forces us to do a round of picking up and de-cluttering on the day before they come."

And if he still doesn't pitch in...

"If you're still being ignored, it may be time to play hardball and say, 'I'm not going to keep doing all the things I'm doing,'" suggests psychologist Coleman. Take something off your plate that you know your mate relies on you to get done. For instance, if you usually pay the bills and your husband can't stand them to be late, tell him you're no longer paying the bills.
Coleman points out that tough-love should be your last resort, but it can be surprisingly effective.

Take time to reconnect.

Finally, if you've been more irritated than usual by dishes collecting in the sink, consider whether it's merely the grimy plates that need attention. "In all my years of working with couples there seems to be this pattern: When men aren't paying attention to their wives, the housework issue becomes more of an issue," says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido. "It becomes less of an issue if men are making an effort to be closer emotionally."

Weiner-Davis frequently sees a vicious cycle: When women aren't getting help, they become less physically affectionate with their spouses, who in turn withdraw more emotionally. "It would ease tension if couples took the time to reconnect on a regular basis," says Weiner-Davis.

So at least once a month, do the things you used to enjoy together before you had children (and a messy house).

Big Church vs. Small Church

I ran across this blog (below) the other day and found it interesting. I have attended both-- big and small. I grew up in a small Baptist Church, but as I spiritually grew--I eventually grew out of it. I feel no matter which type of church someone attends-- Big or Small-- as long as we are getting spiritually fed and growing... does it really matter the size???? Afterall-- In Heaven they aren't keeping score cards, so why should we?

But-- my point is... are you growing in the Lord? Getting something out of the sermons? Thats what really counts, right???? I feel that there is a place for everyone, so I am glad that there are so many different churches out there. Its not a competition, after all. Our goals are all the same... to have a relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ, to be saved from spiritual death, and to share the Good News with others. To me....Thats what truly matters!!!

My husband and I have been attending a bigger church (3,000 members plus) since 1999. We both love it there. We love that we are not only getting blessed, but we are growing in the Lord & enjoy being under the covering of God since we've been planted there.

There has only been one small conflict that has been a challenge for us. Our 6 year old son, Noah has had trouble adapting to their Sunday school program since he turned 4. The class size went from small group of children to a much larger group. Noah just had trouble coping, so we eventually had to make some adjustments to our church life.

We've noticed that he seems to be proactive in comfortable attending the Sunday school program at my Mother-in-law's church. We finally compromised & been taking Noah there once a month for the past two months. This particular church is smaller in size, but we are glad to make adjustments. It is a great supplement and works out well for Noah and for us. :)

Big Church vs. Small Church
http://holycoast.blogspot.com/2005/03/big-church-vs-small-church.html

I overheard part of a discussion the other day regarding Big Churches vs. Small Churches. One pastor was arguing that big churches are killing small churches. I call this the "Wal-Mart Syndrome" because many of the arguments against big churches are the same arguments you hear against Wal-Mart or other big box stores which come into a new neighborhood and shake things up. I have some thoughts on this whole subject, but first this disclaimer:

(cue deep voice speaking quickly) I am not a pastor. I've never been a pastor. I don't want to become a pastor. I have no idea of what it's like to shepherd a congregation, large or small, nor do I have knowledge of the joys, heartaches and challenges associated therewith. I'm just a businessman and I look at things from a business perspective. (return to normal voice)

As a businessman faced with competition (though I could argue that churches are not really competing with one another), if the other guy is selling 5,000 widgets a week and I'm selling 100, I've got four basic choices in how to respond:

Ignore the problem and hope it goes away.
Gripe about the problem but don't take action to correct it.
Quit.
Go and find out what the other guy is doing and see if I can use some of his techniques to increase my sales.

Frankly I think some pastors choose #1 or #2 and wouldn't get caught dead doing #4. They don't like change or don't want to fight the battles that would result from change. They know that changing the status quo may well result in a decrease in members before the increases start. It's a tough situation to be in.

They say that changing a church's direction is the quickest road to martyrdom.Unlike businesses which have a proprietary interest in protecting their trade secrets, big churches have shown a tremendous willingness to share information. Willow Creek, Saddleback Church, Calvary Chapel, and other large ministries go out of their way to tell their stories and show others, who are interested in learning, what they've done.

You don't even have to buy a book - you can just walk in and take notes for yourself.Having said all that, here's the way I look at this stuff. I attend a big church. Why? I like my church, I like the people who attend, the ministry staff, and the fact that the church has the resources to do pretty much anything it wants to do. I had attended an embarrasing number of small churches before moving to the big church and I'll never go back.

I don't want to set up and take down chairs in an elementary school multi-purpose room, I don't want my kids in a Sunday School class with five other grades, and I don't want to be the treasurer/usher/choir member/Sunday School teacher/Sunday School Superintendent/board member/nursery worker/gardener/scripture reader...all at once, which is what frequently happens in small churches.

Am I lazy? I don't think so, though some will disagree. I just like having lots of people around with different talents to share the burden and do the things that need to be done so I can concentrate on the things that I do well, instead of having to concentrate on whatever talent this week's crisis requires.

In my line of work I meet with pastors all the time, and I have every kind of ministry client you can imagine. I have a couple of the largest churches in my territory, and dozens of small churches that are hanging on by their teeth. I have just about every kind of evangelical church, as well as every wacky offshoot of religion that you can think of.I remember one church I visited that had an 850 seat auditorium and a large, two-story educational unit.

The church had 30 members with an average age of 75. The only way they stayed alive was by leasing out their education building to a Christian school. At one time they had been a thriving congregation, but as times changed, the church didn't and the people left. From my conversations with them it was obvious that they weren't interested in doing anything different than they had always done, and one of these days the last of them will die and that will be the end of that.I was meeting with the pastor of a growing congregation that didn't yet own any property and I told him about the failing church with the great facility.

My advice to him: take your congregation and go join that other church. Vote the stick-in-the-muds off the board and turn that place into a going concern. Sort of a church world version of a hostile takeover. He didn't pursue that course of action, though I would have loved to see what happened if he had.When I hear a small church pastor complaining about the influence of the large churches, I have to wonder if those pastors have a misconception about how church attendance works. Here are the myths that I think may be at work:

Myth 1: Church attendance is a zero sum game. I think there are some pastors who believe that large churches are only growing because they're stealing people from small churches, as though there is a finite number of church attenders available to all the churches in the market. The fact is you can't swing a dead cat at most churches without hitting 10,000 people within walking distance who have no church affiliation at all. What are the small churches doing to reach out to those people? The big churches have figured out how to do that, and in the case of my church, a huge percentage of the people previously had no church affiliation at all, or are ex-Catholics who never attended an evangelical church.

Myth 2: Big churches are increasing their crowds by just providing entertainment and not real ministry. That may be true for a few of them, but not my church. People are attending because they're lives are being transformed by the ministry of the church, and if the presentation is entertaining, all the better. No one has been called to boredom.

Myth 3: If given a choice between big and small, people will always choose big. Not true at all. I know many people who have left large churches for the more intimate worship experience they find in smaller congregations. However, if the small congregations aren't meeting the needs of the people, they'll look elsewhere.

Myth 4: People attend big churches so they can hide out and not do anything. Undoubtedly true for some, but in a church like mine with over 200 ministries , there are thousands of volunteers who do everything from clean the bathrooms to teaching classes to performing on stage. In addition, most big churches do their best to make the church smaller by encouraging involvement in small groups.One other important point to remember. It's a free country, and nobody is forced to attend church. People do it voluntarily, and therefore have the right to find the situation that best works for them.

If a small church meets the needs, they'll get the members. If they insist on doing things the same way they've done them for 50 years, they'll get the increasingly small number of people interested in doing things that way, and they probably won't get any previously unchurched folks who will be turned off by the unfamiliar language and worship style.

What would my advice be for the small church (reminder - see disclaimer above):

Decide just what it is you want to be, and then seek out methods to get you to your goal. You may need books, seminars, personal observation, or coaching from someone who knows what he's doing. There are lots of resources available out there.

Don't try to be what you can't be. Everyone thinks that the way to success is to have a praise band and praise singers, and I can't tell you how many times I've been in services with really bad praise groups. Their hearts are in the right place but they just don't have the skills to pull it off.

Figure out what you can do well and do that.Look at your church from the viewpoint of a visitor. Be honest with yourself as you look at how someone totally unfamiliar with your church would view your facilities, worship style, and overall attitude.

Get rid of the deadwood. If you have folks that only have the gift of gripe, move them out. It's better to have smaller numbers with a more dedicated core group of people who will work with you to get things done. That's a base you can grow on.

Let's remember that we're all in this thing together and it serves no purpose to fight.

Better Get to Living! :)

Good Words of Wisdom! Why let life pass us by when we have only one life to live? Life is not a dress rehearsal... this is it, folks! You can set your mind on the negative things or set it on the positive. Its all up to us! :)

Mentally Moving...

I'll admit I am hooked on HGTV! Joel & I have been contiplating putting our townhome on the market this year after my 18 year old son graduates from High school. Joel has been working contract positions for nearly 4 years now after being laid off from Safeco Insurance in 2004, so we are contiplating about possibly moving out of State (possibly Texas) after his contract is up in May. We love the idea that we can buy a home there and be totally mortgage free!

Ive been enjoying getting tips on how to get a home sold & even planning to stage Jeremy's bedroom into a guest/craft room after he moves out. :)

Essential Home Selling Tips

What is staging? Sabrina Soto, Get It Sold host and home-staging expert, knows. Here's her home staging essentials to help you compete in today's real estate market.

By Sabrina Soto

A fresh coat of paint on the front door and a groomed lawn invites buyers in. Crank up the curb appeal Pull weeds, rake leaves and trim overgrown shrubs, especially if they block windows or the path to your front door.

Paint
It's important to make your house generic. A fresh coat of neutral paint will make your home appear larger, brighter and more appealing to potential buyers.

Make repairs
Fix things like leaky faucets and sticky cabinets, and replace old screens. They may seem insignificant, but minor repairs add up in the mind of a potential buyer. They tend to overestimate how much repairs cost. You don't want to give them any reason not to put in an offer.

Rearrange
Make sure your furniture placement allows for easy traffic flow and shows the purpose of each room. If you have too much furniture, rent a portable storage device to hold things until you are ready to move into your new place. If you don't have enough furniture, borrow or rent.

A clean and uncluttered kitchen is a staple of home staging. Pack up This includes personal photos and portraits. Less is always more. The less clutter and knickknacks you have lying around, the more potential buyers will be able to see your home and what it offers. Remember, you are selling your house, not your stuff. Plus, getting a head start on packing will eliminate some stress down the road.

Organize
When your house is meticulously organized, buyers will envision themselves living a stress-free life in your home.

Clean
Clean every inch of your house, and don't forget to make your windows and floors sparkle. If your carpet appears old and stained, think about replacing it. Also, make sure there are no offensive odors. Purchase an air-neutralizing spray that will help remove odors without creating an overwhelming masking odor. Clean homes sell!

Lighten up your home with natural tones and a neutral dose of style. Lighten up Let the sun shine in, and turn on the lights. Open all blinds or curtains, and make sure the house is well lit.

Temperature
Be sure potential buyers are comfortable when touring your home. If it's freezing outside, leave the heat on, and if it's summer, turn on the air conditioner.

Keep it immaculate It may be a little inconvenient, but until you accept an offer, keep your home in tip-top shape at all times.

Mark Lives in IKEA

Tooo funny! :) www.marklivesinikea.com

In Honor of Martin Luther King Jr: "I Have A Dream"

Let's remember these famous words & continue to keep Dr. King's memory alive today and always by continuing to fight for what is right. Let His dream continue to be Our dream! :)

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

August 28, 1963

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But 100 years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice. We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hoped that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.

We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.

We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside.

Let freedom ring.

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Home With A View

I love being near the water, so the lyrics of this song often gets stuck in my head. There is just something about being near the water that I find God's peace. I have many happy memories of being in Cabo San Lucas with Joel on our honeymoon. :) :)

I often love to go to our local beach, Coulon Park beach and going for a long walk. Its such a nice place to reflect on Gods blessings and my secret place when life gets too hectic! :)

Can't get any better than that, but the Lord still surprises us that it knocks our socks off.. LOL :)

Destination: Hawaii

It was 31 degrees here in the Seattle area this morning & snowfall on the ground. Brrr! Joel and I are still dreaming about taking a trip to Hawaii... Lord willing, 2008 just might be the year for it... :)

Since 2004, we've already been blessed with taking a trip to 4 major cities-- Los Angeles, Houston, Chicago & New York City (plus not to forget the 2 trips to Disneyland!)

We're more than ready for a tropical destination this year. :) :) :)

I Surrender All: Dealing with Autism

I had a bad day the other day & was in a funk. Our 6 year old son is still dealing with the challenges of Autism & still not completely potty trained. I will spare you all the details, but needless to say, sometimes his issues tend to overwhelm me when I am trying to take care of my own health, like I was last Thursday.

Despite all the bad stuff, I know that God is Good! He knows our family's situation and understands it all. Since our son has challenges within his brain that effects his body, my husband and I have had to make changes in our daily routines. We have to avoid certain social situations that have made us feel isolated and alone at times. We have avoided out of state Holiday family gatherings , cause we know that Noah couldn't handle all the overstimulation within his body. We have found that staying home in a peaceful environment is the safest solution for our son.

For the New Year, I have resolved made it a habit to wake up and pray for strength and grace to get through the day & I thank God for getting us through. Even though our son isn't healed yet of this awful neurological disorder, it helps to keep focused on that God is using the circumstances for good. I just need to keep my vision on that.

There is a song that helps me make it through the day, cause I know that even when life is hard, God is still bigger than what we are facing & is with us through each and every situation. My Precious Savior... I surrender all!

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

Sweet Justice Caught on Camera: Capt Jack Sparrow

This is a video that was actually taken in our state of WA. Sweet justice was done, cause good ole Captain Jack is now behind bars and awaiting trial! The owner of the barista stand got a good laugh out of it & decided to put it on Youtube.com with a running commentary! The burglar was recognized after this and turned himself in... injured knee and all. :)

Ron Paul-- New Hampshire Primary Speech :)

Wii Have a Problem

Beware of Wii Injuries-- Play it safe! :)

http://www.wiihaveaproblem.com/show_cat.php?cat=16

Denmark Destruction 03-30-07

The Danes are continuing the break stuff as is the rest of the world. Today it's their own fingers being damaged. That's right, the nation that reminds American white trash that Copenhagen is more than just a brand of smokeless tobacco, has sent us pictures of a broken lamp and finger.

"I've had my Wii for 3 weeks now. I've been playing just long enough to discover that you can do some cool moves in Wii sports, tennis. High underhand balls, smashes and screw-balls. I was practicing the screw-balls with great empathy and excitement. Suddenly I bang the Wiimote up in my ceiling lamp which is made of glass, and cut my index finger all the way to the bone.

God thanks my girfriend was home when it happened. She's a nurse and managed to stop the bleeding within 20-30 minutes and got my finger stitched back together with some medical staples/strips.

Right now the only regrets and frustrations is caused by the fact that I'll have to wait for my finger to get well enough to start playing again." -David from Denmark

Facing Difficult Circumstances

We are put on the earth to participate in life. We have a beautiful mind, we have the ability to pray, we have the ability to change, we have the ability to accept, and we have choices. All things God created are constantly changing. This constant change causes our circumstances to change. Sometimes we say life is difficult. During these times we need to use our tools: the tools of prayer, and the tools of meditation. We are designed to change and live joyfully on this earth. The only requirement for living joyfully is to live according to the laws, principles and values given to us by the Creator.

Holy Spirit, give me Your courage today, and guide my footsteps.



~ White Bison Elder's Meditation ~

Potential Autism Breakthrough!

Oh Happy Day! All I've wanted for Christmas is for our son, Noah to be completely healed from Autism. It makes my heart jump for joy when I heard this news! :) :)

MIT corrects inherited retardation, autism in mice
Research points to potential drug treatment for humans

Video: http://www.foxnews.com/video2/player06.html?122807/122807_an_autism&Americas%20Newsroom&Autism%20Breakthrough%3F&Scientists%20working%20on%20pill%20that%20could%20cure%20autism&Health&20&&180&&&new

Health Effects Of Clutter

I'll admit that I am a HGTV junkie &I'm the type of gal who likes organization around the house, so getting our closets organized is definately on my goal list for 2008! Since we moved in our townhome in the Fall of 2004; we still have stuff in boxes that we randomly put in our coat, linen and loft closets that definately need some organization! I also would like to simplify my families possessions and purge those things that we no longer use or need anymore!

A Clutter Too Deep for Mere Bins and Shelves
By TARA PARKER-POPE
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/01/health/01well.html?ei=5070&en=5ae7177e0841d36b&ex=1200027600&pagewanted=print


After the holidays, many shoppers load up their carts with storage bins, shelving systems and color-coded containers, all in a resolute quest to get organized for the new year.

The country’s collective desire to clean up is evident in the proliferation of organization-oriented businesses like the Container Store and California Closets. Reality shows like “Mission Organization” on HGTV and “How Clean is Your House?” on Lifetime feed a national obsession to declutter. The magazine Real Simple has even created a $13 special issue on cleaning house.

Getting organized is unquestionably good for both mind and body — reducing risks for falls, helping eliminate germs and making it easier to find things like medicine and exercise gear.
“If you can’t find your sneakers, you aren’t taking a walk,” said Dr. Pamela Peeke, assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland and the author of “Fit to Live” (Rodale, 2007), which devotes a section to the link between health and organization. “How are you going to shoot a couple of hoops with your son if you can’t even find the basketball?”

But experts say the problem with all this is that many people are going about it in the wrong way. Too often they approach clutter and disorganization as a space problem that can be solved by acquiring bins and organizers.
Measures like these “are based on the concept that this is a house problem,” said David F. Tolin, director of the anxiety disorders center at the Institute of Living in Hartford and an adjunct associate professor of psychiatry at Yale.

“It isn’t a house problem,” he went on. “It’s a person problem. The person needs to fundamentally change their behavior.”

Excessive clutter and disorganization are often symptoms of a bigger health problem. People who have suffered an emotional trauma or a brain injury often find housecleaning an insurmountable task. Attention deficit disorder, depression, chronic pain and grief can prevent people from getting organized or lead to a buildup of clutter. At its most extreme, chronic disorganization is called hoarding, a condition many experts believe is a mental illness in its own right, although psychiatrists have yet to formally recognize it.

Compulsive hoarding is defined, in part, by clutter that so overtakes living, dining and sleeping spaces that it harms the person’s quality of life. A compulsive hoarder finds it impossible, even painful, to part with possessions. It’s not clear how many people suffer from compulsive hoarding, but estimates start at about 1.5 million Americans.

Dr. Tolin recently studied compulsive hoarders using brain-scan technology. While in the scanner, hoarders looked at various possessions and made decisions about whether to keep them or throw them away. The items were shredded in front of them, so they knew the decision was irreversible. When a hoarder was making decisions about throwing away items, the researchers saw increased activity in the orbitofrontal cortex, a part of the brain involved in decision-making and planning.

“That part of the brain seemed to be stressed to the max,” Dr. Tolin said. By comparison, people who didn’t hoard showed no extra brain activity.

While hoarders are a minority, many psychologists and organization experts say the rest of us can learn from them. The spectrum from cleanliness to messiness includes large numbers of people who are chronically disorganized and suffering either emotionally, physically or socially. Cognitive behavioral therapy may help: a recent study of hoarders showed that six months’ therapy resulted in a marked decline in clutter in the patient’s living space.

Although chronic disorganization is not a medical diagnosis, therapists and doctors sometimes call on professional organizers to help patients. One of them is Lynne Johnson, a professional organizer from Quincy, Mass., who is president of the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization.

Ms. Johnson explains that some people look at a shelf stacked with coffee mugs and see only mugs. But people with serious disorganization problems might see each one as a unique item — a souvenir from Yellowstone or a treasured gift from Grandma.

Many clients have already accumulated numerous storage bins and other such items in a futile attempt to get organized. Usually the home space is adequate, she says, but the challenge is in teaching them how to group, sort, set priorities and discard.
Ms. Johnson says she often sees a link between her client’s efforts to get organized and weight loss. “I think someone decides, ‘I’m not going to live like this anymore. I’m not going to hold onto my stuff, I’m not going to hold onto my weight,’” she said. “I don’t know that one comes before the other. It’s part of that same life-change decision.”

On its Web site, http://www.nsgcd.org/, the group offers a scale to help people gauge the seriousness of their clutter problem. It also includes a referral tool for finding a professional organizer. But since the hourly fees can range from $60 to $100 or more, it may be worth consulting a new book by Dr. Tolin, “Buried in Treasures” (Oxford, 2007), which offers self-assessments and advice for people with hoarding tendencies.

Dr. Peeke says she often instructs patients trying to lose weight to at least create one clean and uncluttered place in their home. She also suggests keeping a gym bag with workout clothes and sneakers in an uncluttered area to make it easier to exercise. She recalls one patient whose garage was “a solid cube of clutter.” The woman cleaned up her home and also lost about 50 pounds.

“It wasn’t, at the end of the day, about her weight,” Dr. Peeke said. “It was about uncluttering at multiple levels of her life.”

Snorting a Brain Chemical Could Replace Sleep!

For all us sleep deprived Moms out there... LOL :)

Snorting a Brain Chemical Could Replace Sleep
By Alexis Madriga 12.28.07

http://www.wired.com/print/science/discoveries/news/2007/12/sleep_deprivation


A nasal spray of a key brain hormone cures sleepiness in sleep-deprived monkeys. With no apparent side effects, the hormone might be a promising sleep-replacement drug.

In what sounds like a dream for millions of tired coffee drinkers, Darpa-funded scientists might have found a drug that will eliminate sleepiness.

A nasal spray containing a naturally occurring brain hormone called orexin A reversed the effects of sleep deprivation in monkeys, allowing them to perform like well-rested monkeys on cognitive tests. The discovery's first application will probably be in treatment of the severe sleep disorder narcolepsy.

The treatment is "a totally new route for increasing arousal, and the new study shows it to be relatively benign," said Jerome Siegel, a professor of psychiatry at UCLA and a co-author of the paper. "It reduces sleepiness without causing edginess."

Orexin A is a promising candidate to become a "sleep replacement" drug. For decades, stimulants have been used to combat sleepiness, but they can be addictive and often have side effects, including raising blood pressure or causing mood swings. The military, for example, administers amphetamines to pilots flying long distances, and has funded research into new drugs like the stimulant modafinil (.pdf) and orexin A in an effort to help troops stay awake with the fewest side effects.

The monkeys were deprived of sleep for 30 to 36 hours and then given either orexin A or a saline placebo before taking standard cognitive tests. The monkeys given orexin A in a nasal spray scored about the same as alert monkeys, while the saline-control group was severely impaired.

The study, published in the Dec. 26 edition of The Journal of Neuroscience, found orexin A not only restored monkeys' cognitive abilities but made their brains look "awake" in PET scans.
Siegel said that orexin A is unique in that it only had an impact on sleepy monkeys, not alert ones, and that it is "specific in reversing the effects of sleepiness" without other impacts on the brain.

Such a product could be widely desired by the more than 70 percent of Americans who the National Sleep Foundation estimates get less than the generally recommended eight hours of sleep per night (.pdf).
The research follows the discovery by Siegel that the absence of orexin A appears to cause narcolepsy. That finding pointed to a major role for the peptide's absence in causing sleepiness. It stood to reason that if the deficit of orexin A makes people sleepy, adding it back into the brain would reduce the effects, said Siegel.

"What we've been doing so far is increasing arousal without dealing with the underlying problem," he said. "If the underlying deficit is a loss of orexin, and it clearly is, then the best treatment would be orexin."

Dr. Michael Twery, director of the National Center on Sleep Disorders Research, said that while research into drugs for sleepiness is "very interesting," he cautioned that the long-term consequences of not sleeping were not well-known.

Both Twery and Siegel noted that it is unclear whether or not treating the brain chemistry behind sleepiness would alleviate the other problems associated with sleep deprivation.
"New research indicates that not getting enough sleep is associated with increased risk of cardiovascular disease and metabolic disorders," said Twery.

Still, Siegel said that Americans already recognize that sleepiness is a problem and have long treated it with a variety of stimulants.
"We have to realize that we are already living in a society where we are already self-medicating with caffeine," he said.

He also said that modafinil, which is marketed as Provigil by Cephalon and Alertec in Canada, has become widely used by healthy individuals for managing sleepiness.
"We have these other precedents, and it's not clear that you can't use orexin A temporarily to reduce sleep," said Siegel. "On the other hand, you'd have to be a fool to advocate taking this and reducing sleep as much as possible."

Sleep advocates probably won't have to worry about orexin A reaching drugstore shelves for many years. Any commercial treatment using the substance would need approval from the Food and Drug Administration, which can take more than a decade.

The New Year

The New Year



Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What e.blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals - we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.
Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.

The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.



From: "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie